


now good and gone

by poalimal



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ableism, Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Ghosts, Grief, Other, Sign Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 10:25:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19721779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poalimal/pseuds/poalimal
Summary: Sometimes it's hard to let go.





	now good and gone

Sam woke shivering from her dream, the sweat on her back pooling cool and clammy on the bed. She'd forgotten to wrap her hair again.

Somewhere in the house, there was a window open, letting the wind in - and Sam was betting she knew which one.

Back went the covers, tight went the robe tied thin around her waist. And Sam went marching straight across the hallway into Lilah-May's room where, as she suspected, Lilah-May's father was floating beside her crib, gauzy curtains from the windows trailing after him as he watched over her.

Sam's heart caught. Little Lilah-May slept on.

' _Riley_ ,' Sam whispered. Riley startled at the sight of her, floating straight up in surprise, and he made as if to escape through the window. 'Ri, if you don't get your ass over here, I'll get someone to ward this place up so good, you won't ever see either of us again.'

Riley paused, hovering right in front of the window. He did not turn around. If you did not look at him closely - if you found him in the dark - you might not ever notice he was floating above the floor. You might wonder at his face, why, perhaps, he looked so blurry - but by the time you rubbed your eyes, he would already be gone.

But there, caught in the waves of moonlight, his body was clear, the lines on him were water. The moon went straight through him and cast no shade.

Sam swallowed a sob. 'Never mind,' she said, grabbing the baby monitor and stuffing it between her waist and her robe. 'You just do whatever you need to do, Riley. Nothing to do with me anymore.'

She hurried away and left the room before he could see her face. Something like a whip of cold air rose up on her back as Riley followed her out into the hallway and down onto the stairs.

The pressure of him trying to speak with her when she wouldn't look at him grew, until finally she felt pins and needles in the back of her neck.

'Cut it out,' Sam muttered, flicking on the foyer light. She hunched over near the shoes so she could dig for her boots. Riley swam above her, and looked her in the face. Sam waved him away.

Why are you sad? he signed.

'I'm not sad,' said Sam, averting her eyes. _Sad_ wasn't a big enough word. 'You don't remember me, ok, that's fine. But you remember Lilah-May, right? You remember how she gets scared so easy?' Riley tilted his head, and nodded slowly. 'Well, I don't want you giving her nightmares. I don't want her seeing you and getting confused.'

Riley shook his head emphatically. She's not like you, she won't be confused. What are you doing?

Sam finished tying the laces on her right boot and picked up the left. 'What's it look like I'm doing? I'm putting on my boots, I'm going out onto the beach, and I'm going to scream very loudly where no one can hear me.'

Riley floated down next to her, so near that all the hair raised up on her arms. The lump in her throat thickened.

But the monitor won't be in range, he observed. What if Lilah-May cries?

Sam took in a deep breath - and then she exhaled out into one long sob. She dropped her left boot, buried her face in her hands, and wept.

Riley hovered around her in silence. When she lifted her face, he was staring at her with a blank, almost curious expression. Why did you cry? he asked. You said you weren't sad.

Bitterness rose up like bile in her throat. 'Don't worry about it,' she said, blinking past the tears. She shoved her foot into the left boot, didn't bother doing up the laces. 'You can watch her while I'm outside.'

But Riley followed her out of the house, out into the wind and out onto the sand. The wind outside almost felt warm compared to the wind in the air beside him. Sam shivered. There was nothing between her skin and the wind but her robe. Still she walked toward the waves.

You know your new neighbour will think you're crazy, Riley said, flitting back and forth around her.

'Well, maybe I am crazy!' Sam said, whipping to the side to glare at Riley fully. Oh, and of course he was nowhere to be found now! Typical. She raised her voice, so he could still hear her wherever he'd gone hiding: 'What would you know about it? You came back,' her voice cracked straight down the middle, 'and you still left me all alone!'

'Hey,' said someone.

Sam whirled back around so quick the baby monitor slipped out of her robe and plopped right onto the sand. Right on cue, impossibly, it crackled to life: Lilah-May began to cry.

Sam stared down at the monitor, her heart thumping hard in her chest. Slowly, she dragged her eyes up to look up at the person standing in front of her.

It was the man from next-door. Not the white one, no - it was the dark-haired one, the one with the arm. The one who always stayed inside. Jack? Jim? Something like that. He was taller than he looked.

Well, Jim bent his dark head, and he reached down to pick up the monitor. On and on Lilah-May wailed. The man pressed the monitor into Sam's hand. He was warm; of course, he would be, dressed in all those layers. But he sent a flush up her body, like the wind all around them had stopped.

Sam kept her palm loose, pressed forward against his. It was the first time she had touched a man in months. She raised her head up, he tilted his head down - their eyes met. Her breasts let-down their milk.

'If you ever need anything,' said Jim, wrapping her hands careful around the monitor, 'you can come to me.' His face was serious, almost solemn.

A sudden wind slapped her hair full into her face, jerking her out of her reverie. God, she probably _did_ look crazy, she thought, face burning. She couldn't speak, she didn't know what to say - but when she looked into his face, it looked like he was waiting for something from her.

'Ah, I,' she ducked her head, 'ok.' Lilah-May started hiccuping through the static, calming down a little. Milk bled steadily through Sam's robe. 'Excuse me, I have to-- go.' She turned around and walked away as quickly as possible, nearly tripping on her feet in her haste.

At her front door, she paused and turned around. She stomped the sand from her boots slowly, killing time so that Jim would not see where she kept the second key hidden.

Down the beach the dark figure went, further and further away, toward his own house. Something inside her shivered, watching him recede from her.

Riley floated down above her head. Be careful around him, he said. He's no good.

Sam sighed, and lifted up the Welcome mat for the key. 'Shut up, Riley,' she said. She unlocked the door, and then she went inside.

* * *

Bucky opened the door and went through, still semi-solid from the warmth and power of the woman next-door. He stopped short in the living room. Steve was laid out on the couch still, asleep now, clutching a pillow to his chest. He'd been on the phone with Peggy for hours before Bucky had gotten sick of him trying to explain.

'I know it sounds crazy,' he kept saying. 'But I can feel him, Peg. I promise, I feel him. And I can't help but think if I stay here, where it happened, I'll get-- something. Some kind of closure.'

Bucky stood over Steve for so long that he winced, and flickered his eyes open.

'Go home, Steve,' said Bucky, as he'd done every night since Steve had rented out the beach house. 'Peggy needs you. And I don't want you here.'

'Bucky,' said Steve, blinking blearily. Had Steve heard him? But no - Steve just turned over onto his side, accidentally letting the pillow flip over onto the floor as he fell back asleep. 'Oh, Buck...'

Bucky clenched his fists. How the fuck was he supposed to get Steve out of here alive?

**Author's Note:**

> Title pulled from Solange's Where Do We Go.


End file.
